Yesterday we arrived on our annual Blackpool trip. The roads were horrific with traffic, made worse by the diabolical English weather.
I drove the entire journey, as it distracts from the nauseating feeling I get as a passenger. We stopped part way to allow a comfort break and to get a late morning fix of caffeine. The one thing that struck me on this trip was how unsteady I was. More so than usual and as I stood waiting to pay for our coffee I realised it was like this since I had got up in the morning. I had almost crashed through the bathroom door first thing, like Bambi on ice! Had wobbles when using the stairs, both at home and in the service station and I almost went over in Costa coffee. Despite this, I fortunately managed to stay on my pins, and not end up giving the floor a hug!
This makes me wonder why some days are worse than others? Has this been steadily getting worse over the course of a few days? Or does my body just decide I need a challenge today? Well, I had several drinks, laced with alcohol and to my surprise towards the evening I felt more steady?? How does that even work?
I’ve been living with CMT all my life, but only really noticed since my teen years. I still don’t fully understand from one day to the next why some days are worse than others. What I can do to help myself. It’s almost like there’s a controller that sits in my brain ( a bit like the film inside out) and thinks “Ok, let’s make life a little bit interesting today” then has a giggle as they sit back and watch the day unfold. Sometimes this same controller decides he wants a day off, so flips the switch that says “Extreme Fatigue” to put me on my backside, while they go off for several days, leaving me overwhelmingly tired and a need to sleep. Then returning and allowing services to resume as normal.
I don’t think I’ll ever get CMT, I just need to learn that it is what it is, and take each day as it comes! But with each new challenge, I will always be the one that’s got this! It won’t ever beat me. In fact I stand in the face of CMT with my stubborn and independent personality and know that it’s really met it’s match! I’m not going to let this define who I am, I won’t let this get me down. I’m going to fight it and keep doing the things I love to do, even if it’s difficult or challenging, because that’s me!